Why You Will Drown in the Pages of "The First Time She Drowned"

          Welcome back to blogging with Benji, where there’s no need to be shelf-concious! This month, I’ll be discussing The First Time She Drowned, a 2016 YA fiction novel written by Kerry Kletter. The First Time She Drowned describes the story of Cassie O’Malley, a teenager who has spent her life unloved by her mother Beverly and as an outcast in her own family. 

The story begins with Cassie in a psychiatric hospital where she has spent the majority of her teenage years after her mother abandoned her there. Cassie is about to turn 18, meaning that she can finally leave the hospital and attend “Dunton College,” her mother’s alma mater. Cassie’s struggle to reenter the world and be ‘normal’ is interspersed with an increasingly shocking series of flashbacks and revelations about her disturbing childhood. As a child, she constantly seeks approval and love from her mother, but never receives it. Instead, her mother frequently neglects her while showing clear favoritism towards Cassie’s older brother Matthew. Beverly is extremely insecure since her parents ignored her and abused her as a child, which manifests as a need to feel loved by her own children and to live a perfect life. However, Beverly is not content with her circumstances and hates her husband. Beverly transfers her frustration and anger onto Cassie, often by blaming her. Beverly’s unstable behavior is shown through disconcerting quotes such as saying, “You made me look like a bad mother,” after six year old Cassie nearly drowned in a swimming pool and was forgotten by Beverly. When Cassie attempts to kill herself one day at school, Beverly physically abuses her instead of providing comfort or support. Beverly cannot stand the idea of being a bad mother like her own mom and does not understand why Cassie “does not love her.” She sees Cassie as a source of her problems and unhappiness and continually puts her own needs before Cassie’s. Cassie eventually stands up for herself and defies Beverly. The next morning, Cassie wakes to her family members standing over her with rope, tying her up and bringing her to the psychiatric hospital against her will. Cassie’s brother and dad have both been “brainwashed” by her mother and are willing accomplices. When Cassie finally leaves the hospital and begins college, she struggles with the idea that she really is crazy and that her mother’s actions were her own fault, which is intensified by Beverly suddenly acting nice and claiming to want to rebuild their relationship. This emotional journey while navigating college life eventually culminates with Cassie remembering a forgotten horrifying and traumatic experience that was a main source of Cassie’s self-doubt and trust issues. Cassie’s realization that her mother’s behavior towards her was never her fault allows her to recover from the past and move on to a new, bright future.

          The First Time She Drowned is one of the most well-written novels that I have ever read and my short summary above should not be taken as a representation of the writing in the novel. 

Kerry Kletter

Kletter masterfully shows Cassie’s emotions throughout the novel and develops her character in an incredibly realistic way. Flashbacks are often cliché and overused in movies and books, but Kletter employs them to simultaneously show us two timelines that are tied together to tell a larger story. The First Time She Drowned would still have been moving if it were told chronologically, but intertwining the ‘past’ and the ‘present’ told the story in a way that brought a deeper understanding and created an intricate and beautiful story. Reaching the end of this novel was extremely satisfying for me because I could see the overarching story and could fully appreciate the exquisite writing. The novel was set up so that Cassie was remembering past events as they were described to the reader, which I felt brought the book to life. There is an increasingly haunting aspect in Cassie’s memories which gives both Cassie and the reader an unsettling feeling. The build-up to the main “plot twist” was exquisitely done since I was possessed with an eerie feeling of dread that was so subtly employed that I cannot explain why I felt that way. Kletter is one of the few authors that can use a plot twist effectively since the twist was unexpected and jarring but perfectly made sense afterwards and also completed the story. The First Time She Drowned is a book that can bridge the gap between reality and fiction, which I realized when I was completely disoriented after free reading was over due to the fact that I was so immersed in Cassie’s story I felt like it was real. The First Time She Drowned is a novel that has many classic YA elements, but it is one of the few YA novels that uses them correctly. This type of book could explain why there are so many clichés in YA writing since any writer would want to emulate the literary techniques that Kletter employs perfectly. After reading Cinder before The First Time She Drowned, the difference between what YA fiction should be versus what it often is was painfully apparent. I highly recommend this book to anyone and everyone looking for a book that strikes on a deeper level and for a book that is genuinely difficult to put down, which is why it deserves a perfectly pinguid score of 13/13 on the always accurate Bologna Blog scale.